Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
