Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
