dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
