his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
