Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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