think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
