the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize