I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
