So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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