she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize