you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
