based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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