She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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