went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
