I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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