I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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