Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
