what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
