He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
