i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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