I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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