hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
