I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogโs dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a โwater bottleโ. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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