i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
