i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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