when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
