It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
