I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
