I'm really into asian looking animals
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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