No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
