you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
