My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
