Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
