My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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