I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
