Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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