he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize