don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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