did you get engaged???
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
