watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
