Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize