We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
