i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
