Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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