I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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