just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
