Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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