I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
