dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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