one word: firstdatebathroomanal
there's paper in my vomit.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
