I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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