Ambien. No doubt about it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
