i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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