Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You pole danced in your parka.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
