every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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