It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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