is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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