My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
