I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just invented taco cereal.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
