Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
