who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
