Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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