I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
