guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
