mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
