these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
