my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
