by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
