Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
