Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
