Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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