I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
