so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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