How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
