God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize