you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
