Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
