my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
