omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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