Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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