Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
