Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
