do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
