If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
this hospital has no fireball
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
