okay pat passed out under dana's car
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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