So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
