you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
