I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
