What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
