She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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