I got chris browned last night
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
