so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
