my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
