First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize